‘You’ve lost weight, looking good hun’. Let’s not pretend it’s not the first thing we notice.
I have certainly been a serial offender in the past. Before I had my daughter and without realizing the weight behind my words, I would readily comment on the size of my friends in the belief that I was boosting their confidence by commenting on their hard work in loosing that weight or ‘baby weight’.
In the latter part of my second pregnancy, I stacked on loads of weight. Mainly because I knew that it was the final opportunity I had to enjoy my pregnancy, my last pregnancy. Which had been so UN-ENJOYABLE. The thought to me was completely daunting and heartbreaking, It felt as though It was literally the last chance I had to enjoy what I, as a woman, was basically put on earth to do, reproduce and nurture.
I feel like I need to throw in a disclaimer now. I definitely do not believe that all woman are put on earth to achieve only one thing, that thing being to have and raise babies. In-fact I was not a born nurturer and honestly believed that IF I had children it wouldn’t be until my late 30’s when I had my career and life sorted. That was until I fell pregnant half way through my business/Marketing degree at 20. Since becoming pregnant with my gorgeous son I have completely changed as a person. What is right for one woman, right now, is not what is right for her down the track or the next woman, so adjust your life in line with what makes you a happier and healthier person and because of this, a better mum.
I felt at this time in my life that after all I had been through, throughout my pregnancies and with my First born, that I deserved a break from the constant diet train my life had become. So I ate whatever I wanted (well, whatever I wanted except all the things I really wanted; salami, soft cheese, and soft serve. and sushi) Jars of Nutella with a spoon, magnums, full cream everything and bread, bread, bread until my sore, under-slept and uncomfortable body couldn’t eat any more. I’m not going to tell you it made me happy because It didn’t, I still felt like crap. But I definitely felt better elbow deep in that jar of Nutella.
My point is, although I have never been happy with my weight, not when I was a size 8 and my lanky bod couldn’t fill a pair of Levis and not when I was pushing a size 16 at the end of my pregnancy with Lilly, I have always pined for health and that is all that should be important. The rest is really irrelevant isn’t it. I still had a loving Fiançe who might I add, claimed to love those curves, and two healthy, wonderful babies. Although times were and still are tough, we had and still have all we could ever ask for. So why was I so fixated on returning to that before baby, bikini body? I had to do some soul searching to answer this one. For me, it came back to, how I subconsciously have always measured my self-worth ie. If I am always improving (skinnier, more successful, kinder) you will like me and if you like me, you will stay. Complete nonsense hey.
When I realized this was all going on in the back ground of MY crazy head, I also realized that when I comment on my beautiful friends weight in any respect, she may also measure her self worth based on her appearance and I may be confirming in her head that she needs to consistently improve for me to stay or basically that I feel she needs to loose weight to be my friend (thats how it may have sounded in her head anyway).
I have only realized since having my beautiful daughter that there honestly is no perfect body shape and most importantly I was the ONLY one obsessing over MY weight. I am pretty sure that even if I did have a lean, mean bod, I would most likely still be unhappy with it anyway!
SO, I now aim for health, because my babies need a healthy mum and It helps with my mental well-being (for the tough times). and I will not comment on your skinny bum again. because who cares, I love you for the beauty in your soul and your heart and how compatible our taste in wine is, not your pant size. Love and nurture your sensitive sisters ladies.