1. All babies really are different. Don’t let anyone tell you whats normal (except your pediatrician guys)
2. Mum actually does know best, evolution made sure of that. Trust your mothers intuition and you will never regret how you dealt with a situation.
3. The only person you should allow to pressure you when it comes to making parenting decisions is you.
4. Never apologize for your children doing what children do; playing, screaming, not sharing even hitting. They can learn from these experiences. Talk them through what is right and wrong and use each situation to teach something valuable rather than apologizing to another mum.
5. It is not okay to talk about adult issues in front of a toddler, because it cant be good for their little brains. But mainly because you never know when they will suddenly repeat what you didn’t realize they heard…. trust me.
6. When you admit to a fellow mum of two, that you came very close to posting an add on gumtree for the sale of your toddler, and she nods in sympathy and says. ‘me to’. you’ve found yourself a keeper, hang onto her.
7. ‘We’re just having a little moment’ is code for; duck for cover, shit is about to go next level and I need to get these two in the car before that happens. Help a mother out!
8. A smile/knowing nod from a fellow mum during a public tantrum can literally make it all okay.
9. Second baby is so much easier and so much harder at same time. you just give in and let go of the unimportant things second time (food, clean clothing/house, showers, sleep)
10. Raising two is almost impossible without help. Let friends and family help. Like really help.
11. The only form of getting back into shape you’ll achieve this time around are the killer bi-ceps you gain from rocking a screaming infant whilst holding the toddler back, from ripping her dummy out or high-fiving her head, by his face.
12. You have muscles in your wrists. yep. if you’ve ever had ‘mum wrist’, prepare yourself for double ‘mum wrist’ and a stiff elbow.
13. Your brow game is over. In fact leaving the house with makeup on is a near miracle. But don’t worry no one is looking at the tired, old mum (with the cutest, best dressed kids on the planet) anyway.
14. Getting back on the horse. (laughs hysterically) but just in case you weren’t already competing with sheer exhaustion and having two little appendages that require full time touchable distance only, don’t worry because current research suggests that the change in your hormone balance due to breastfeeding majorly kills ones mojo. Feel free to remind him of this
when necessary every day. (*cough* print that article and stick it on the fridge for those close call situations)
15. five seconds from insanity, is an emotion.
16. This is very promptly followed by goohey gahey smooshy love, when you catch Mr. 2.5 kissing Miss 10 weeks and saying “whats wrong darlin, its just me”. oh god, the heart melts.
17. Your heart will never be more full and your eyes will never be more tired.
18. What was that feed, play, sleep routine shit about?!
19. Co-sleeping (co-everything) is not a decision you make. It is essential if you consider sleep/your sanity to be things of importance.
20. All the money in the world could not make your life as wonderful as it is now. You wouldn’t have time to spend it anyway.
21. Everything can be made into a fun game! ‘Max can you point to all the pieces of dirt on the floor for mum to vacuum up’. to keep big baby distracted from little baby while you do housework.
22. You will most definitely refer to yourself in the third person and say things like “lets use our inside voices” more times than you care to admit.