Number One: Include Him In the Little Things.
As Mums we are so needed by our children, especially when they are babies and even more so if they are breastfed.
We are all at fault of unintentionally excluding Daddy at times whether it be by asking him to leave the room because babe is distracted by him and wont latch properly or not letting him help with the night stints because ‘one of us might as well be getting some sleep’. Daddys are a sensitive breed, all of the new emotions that come with being a parent can be overwhelming and more often than not, turn our big, tough men into big softies. Understandably our poor blokes don’t get the consideration new mums do after having a baby, so its our job to support and help ease them into parenthood.
A good way to include him in the night feeds is to ask him to burp bub after her feed, and that way you can climb back into bed to get some rest before the next one. You can also ask him to join you both for a day time nap on his day off, there is surprisingly nothing more lovely than snuggling up as a family together in bed on a Sunday. If you have older children its such a rarity that everyone will be simultaneously ready for a sleep, inc. The newborn (whaaat!) So this little pleasure deserves to be enjoyed together.
Number Two: Allow him to parent in his own way.
Its easier said than done to watch your Man endlessly try to rock your unsettled bub to sleep in a way that you know doesn’t work because ‘she has just had a big feed and needs to be kept upright for at least 20 minutes’ or whatever your reason, but try to hold back on offering constant advice. He wants to figure it out for himself and shouldn’t feel under the pressure of your critiquing eye all the time. I know, we all hear ourselves being the nag of the century and it is hard because that’s certainly the last thing we intend on being but ‘its just so much quicker if you do it like this’. An easy way to involve Daddy is to ask him to change bubs nappy while you go to the toilet or make a cup of tea so he is free to do it his way without feeling like your about to offer that oh so helpful advice again (we can be brutally honest right?).
Let him give you some alone time without bub and allow him the same.
Lets face is being Mummys and Daddys is hard. It certainly isn’t anything like we expected it to be and you would have to be an absolute superhero to not need a slice of the ‘me-time’ pie occasionally. Don’t allow yourself to feel like a shitty parent because of this, we all get major mummy guilt’s when it comes to asking for help and id bet that the Daddys do to! So don’t make a big deal if he needs a night with the boys or a heavy gym sesh to unwind every now and then. Let him have his time and then make sure you give yourself a break so you can both come back to the family clear headed and prepped to tackle the next (possibly crappy) day.